joz Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) Hmmm, Mrs Mann is it?? Edited February 9, 2012 by joz 1
whyeme Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 A bear and a rabbit were taking a sh*t in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and asked, 'Do you have any problem of sh*t sticking to your fur?' 'No,' replied the rabbit. The bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. As told by eddie murphy on Delirious :)
AvPip Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 On 08/02/2012 at 3:41 AM, whyeme said: A bear and a rabbit were taking a sh*t in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and asked, 'Do you have any problem of sh*t sticking to your fur?' 'No,' replied the rabbit. The bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. As told by eddie murphy on Delirious :) GOLD !
dsj88 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I thought this is funny although I don't think it is meant to be http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=uy09cXwsz6w****
whyeme Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 On 09/02/2012 at 10:30 AM, dsj88 said: I thought this is funny although I don't think it is meant to be http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=uy09cXwsz6w**** wow kudos to these punjab bros for their daring. Funny part was when one of them cringed b4 being smashed.
akdwivedi Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 On 09/02/2012 at 10:30 AM, dsj88 said: I thought this is funny although I don't think it is meant to be http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=uy09cXwsz6w**** crazy.. I always wonder how they do it.. have seen one live.. after 2 minutes, I closed my eyes. Could not see it any longer.
Guest Willow Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Drinks at the Bar A Queenslander is drinking in a Victorian pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone , as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear , and once he disconnects he calls out to the barman that he wants to shout the bar. The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd around keen to know what they are celebrating , " Well " , he announces , " My wife just produced a typical Queensland baby boy weighing 25 pounds ". The crowd went silent as nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds , but the Queenslander just shrugs , " that's about average in Queensland , like I said , my boy is a typical Queensland boy ". Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of " strewth , and crikey " were heard , one woman even fainted due to sympathy pain. Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the same bar , the barman says , " You're the father of that typical Queensland baby boy that weighed in at 25 pounds at birth aren't you ? , everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in two weeks , we were going to give you a call , so... , how much does he weigh now ? ". The proud Queensland father answers " 17 pounds ". The bartender is puzzled and concerned , " What happened , he weighed 25 pounds the day he was born ? ". The Queenslander takes a long slow swig from his XXXX beer , wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve , leans onto the bar , and proudly says , " Had him circumcised ".
Addicted to music Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 proftournesol said: [ATTACH=CONFIG]40731[/ATTACH]This problem is clearly a real handful for some, they seem to be making a fist of it though. Sorry guys, I confessed, it was me, I thought I was at the S__m Bank!!!! LOL 1
gone_bush Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 30 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. 'That's it,' he tells his wife, 'I'm giving up golf. My eyesight is so bad ... Once I hit the ball; I can't see where it went.' His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says, 'Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.' 'That's no good,' sighs Arthur... 'Your brother is ninety five. He can't help.' 'He may be ninety five', says the wife, 'but his eyesight is perfect.' So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. 'Did you see the ball?' 'Of course I did!' says the brother-in- law. 'I have perfect eyesight.' 'Where did it go?' asks Arthur. 'I can't remember.'
gone_bush Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writer's cramp.
Willco Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Catostylus said: Oh dear........ Frankly I have to agree--that is getting into the gross out category Oh dear+1 Sadly Willco
swordfish805 Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 This is meant to be a thread for good jokes....
sjay Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 FREE KITTENS! A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS. Suddenly a line of big white cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning woman. "Hi there little girl, I'm Prime Minister Gillard. What do you have in the basket?" she asked. "Kittens," little Suzy said. "How old are they?" asked Julia. Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet." "And what kind of kittens are they?" " Labor supporters," answered Suzy with a smile. Julia GILLARD was delighted. As soon as she returned to her car, she called her PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens. Recognizing the perfect photo op, it was agreed that the prime minister should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens. So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, Channel 7, SBS, Ten & Nine. Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Gillard got out of her limo and walked over to little Suzy. "Hello, again," she said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away." "Yes mam," Suzy said. "They're Liberals." Taken by surprise, the prime minister stammered, "But... But... Yesterday, you told me they were Labor supporters." Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open."
dsj88 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 NUDIST COLONY On his first day there, a man takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?' The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?' She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts..... Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man. 'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer. 'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says. The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.' 'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.' The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 88 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day!!'
SiriuslyCold Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I love this it's funny on so many levels
SiriuslyCold Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 On 18/01/2012 at 6:40 AM, armoury said: I wonder... I've come across the term "no wockin' furries, mate", so perhaps it really is an Oz thing? Feb 14 somebody said it's Cupid Stunt day ;) (these are called spoonerisms)
silencer13 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 On 14/02/2012 at 9:17 AM, SiriuslyCold said: I love this it's funny on so many levels ROFL!!!!!!! Took me some time to remember the dog's name. But after that it was really ROFL!!!!!!
westendboy Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 ^^ I love this too ;D. I know it eludes to Wizard of Oz and I have the movie on DVD and BD. However, embarrassingly I have not watched either. I know e doggie's lines is from Africa and then it struck me that it's name must be .... ;D Darn good one!!!
dirty Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 What's 6 inches long and won't get sucked on Valentines Day? Whitney Houston's crack pipe. dirty.
wizardofoz Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 If you google wizard of oz and dark side of the moon, you can have some fun if you have the movie and album to play together. Maybe there is a YouTube of the combined result.?..found it... http://v14.nonxt1.googlevideo.com/videoplayback?id=456a3484d0f6d1c1&itag=7&source=uploaded_content&begin=0&ratebypass=yes&title=The+Dark+Side+of+OZ&ip=0.0.0.0&ipbits=0&expire=1329243425&sparams=ip,ipbits,expire,id,itag,source,ratebypass,title&signature=6A69A4145226FC7C25D3DCF7054BE52865152BF7.12E850D696C940B2B634D6BB3A3B24DD3927D558&key=ck1&redirect_counter=1 Hard to embed with ipad
armoury Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 On 14/02/2012 at 9:17 AM, SiriuslyCold said: I love this it's funny on so many levels Absolutely hilarious! Although I only get one level of the joke... Quote If you google wizard of oz and dark side of the moon, you can have some fun if you have the movie and album to play together. I once found a torrent of it, and have watched it. Bit overblown, I think, the alleged coincidences. IIRC it's called the Dark Side of Oz, or something similar.
SiriuslyCold Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 On 15/02/2012 at 2:03 AM, armoury said: Aboslute hilarious! Although I only get one level of the joke... "absolute hilarious" means you get level 2 (the dog's name is Toto) LOL
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