Uncle Seth Posted May 5, 2020 Posted May 5, 2020 22 hours ago, joz said: We used to have a flower vendor who'd turn up to my workplace on a semi-regular basis, selling cheapish flowers. I got in trouble off my now ex-missus after a female "friend" from work met my lady and said "You must be the lucky girl that Les buys flowers for, every week". Ex says thanks and then grills me later about who was getting the flowers on the weeks that she wasn't receiving any. At least the friend moved home to Minnesota.
proftournesol Posted May 5, 2020 Posted May 5, 2020 1 hour ago, Uncle Seth said: Not if was an Instamatic type. It must be a Kodak, it's a brownie 4
mwhouston Posted May 5, 2020 Posted May 5, 2020 1 hour ago, Uncle Seth said: We used to have a flower vendor who'd turn up to my workplace on a semi-regular basis, selling cheapish flowers. I got in trouble off my now ex-missus after a female "friend" from work met my lady and said "You must be the lucky girl that Les buys flowers for, every week". Ex says thanks and then grills me later about who was getting the flowers on the weeks that she wasn't receiving any. At least the friend moved home to Minnesota. Dont knock the Box Brownie i just paid $30 for one. 2
JukKluk2 Posted May 5, 2020 Posted May 5, 2020 Due to self isolation, I finished 3 books yesterday. Believe me, that was a lot of colouring in. 6
joz Posted May 5, 2020 Posted May 5, 2020 How can you sex an ant? Well if you throw it in the water and it sinks it’s a girl ant. But if you throw it in the water and it floats is a .......! 4 1
JukKluk2 Posted May 5, 2020 Posted May 5, 2020 8 minutes ago, joz said: How can you sex an ant? Well if you throw it in the water and it sinks it’s a girl ant. But if you throw it in the water and it floats is a .......! Cringe-worthy Dad joke! I love it. 1 1
JukKluk2 Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 45 minutes ago, muon* said: Dating Trump style It does make you wonder, doesn't it? 3
JukKluk2 Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 Little Kevin The teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while, me, banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply try to continue with the lesson . . . . "And how about you, Sarah?" "I wanna be Kevin's hooker." 5 2
mwhouston Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 18 minutes ago, JukKluk2 said: Little Kevin The teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while, me, banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply try to continue with the lesson . . . . "And how about you, Sarah?" "I wanna be Kevin's hooker." I’m hoping Kelvins gay. Do you have his mobile? 3 2
andyr Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 2 hours ago, JukKluk2 said: Little Kevin The teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while, me, banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply try to continue with the lesson . . . . "And how about you, Sarah?" "I wanna be Kevin's hooker." Haha - gold! Andy 1
progladyte Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 17 hours ago, mwhouston said: I’m hoping Kelvins gay. Do you have his mobile? No, he has it in his top pocket............ 3 1
LogicprObe Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 A mate told me buy a chicken to make sandwiches............... Spoiler It doesn't, It just shits all over the kitchen floor. 5 2
mwhouston Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 2 hours ago, progladyte said: No, he has it in his top pocket............ Clever d!ck. 3
petetherock Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases told the President: "This morning, 3 Brazilians were killed by Covid-19." Trump's face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face and to everyone’s amazement he collapsed on the floor. Minutes passed and to everyone’s relief President Trump got up shakily and then sat back on his chair. His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion from their President, nervously watching as he sits, head in hands, waiting for him to faint again. Finally, the President looks up and with a shaky quivering voice asks the Dr Fauci, *"How many people is a brazillion?"* 5 2
vinilink Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando , thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Atlanta . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. 'O.K., thank you,' said the American . He then travelled all across America , Europe, England , Japan , New Zealand . In every church he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same '$US10,000 per call' sign under it. The American decided to travel to Australia to see if Australians had the same phone. He arrived at the Gold Coast, in Australia and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same looking golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '40 cents per call.' The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?' The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Australia now, son - it's a local call'. KEEP SMILING If you are proud to be an Aussie pass this on! Edited May 15, 2020 by vinilink Pictures 1
Recommended Posts