Addicted to music Posted February 23 Posted February 23 (edited) A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of deer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says Hang on, you're a duck. I see your eyes are working, replies the duck, and you can talk, exclaims the barman I see you is a working too, says the duck. Now, if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich, please? Barman says sorry, yep, sir, am sorry about that pulls out the pint and gives him his sandwich. The barman says, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way? I'm working on the building site across the road explains the duck. I'm a plasterer, the flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it, so the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, and bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks, but one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him, you're the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper, and everything sounds marvelous as the ring master handing over his business card, get him to give me a call. So the next day the duck comes into the pub and the barman says, hey, Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job paying really really good money. I'm always looking for the next job, says the duck. Where is it? At the circus, says the barman. The circus repeats the duck. That's right. The circus the duck are again. With the big tent. Yeah, the barman replies, with the animals who live in cages and the performance that live in caravan, says the duck of course the barman replies, and the tent that has canvas sides in the big roof in the hole in the middle persist the duck. That's right, says the barman, the duck shakes his head in amazement and says, what the hell would they want with the plasterer? Edited February 23 by Addicted to music 2 1 2
Addicted to music Posted February 23 Posted February 23 A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to a place and they made love all afternoon, exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 p.m. The man hurried to get dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt, he put his shoes on the drove home, as soon as he got in, “where have you been? “ His wife demanded. I can't lie to you. He replied, I' having an affair with my secretary, and we had sex all afternoon. She looked down at shoes and said, “you lying moron, you've been playing golf all day!……” 1 3
Addicted to music Posted February 24 Posted February 24 A middle aged couple have two beautiful daughters are always thought about having a son, they decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. Horrified by the ugliest baby he had ever seen. He told his wife, there is no way I can be the father of his baby. Look at these two beautiful daughters, I fathered. Have you been fooling around behind my back? The wife smiled sweetly and replied, not this time, honey. 4
Addicted to music Posted February 24 Posted February 24 An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night when Satan appeared before her. The devil told the lawyer, I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I went in exchange is your husband's soul, your children's souls, and the souls of your parents grandparents and the souls of all your friends and law partners, the pondered this for a minute, then finally asks, so what's the catch?
Addicted to music Posted February 24 Posted February 24 Thomas is 32 years old and he's still single. One day a friend asked, why arent you married? Can't you find a woman who would be a good wife? Thomas replied, I found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother just doesn't like them. His friend thinks for a moment that says I've got the perfect solution. Just find the girl who's just like your mother. A few months later they meet again and his friend says, did you find a perfect girl? Did your mother like her with a frown in his face? Thomas answers, yeah, I found the perfect goal. She was just like my mother. You are right. My mother liked her so very much. The friend said, then what's the problem? Thomas replied, My father doesn't like her. 3
Addicted to music Posted February 25 Posted February 25 Driving too fast on the whole number 16 golf course, are retired by hand handsome gentleman accidentally overturned his car late one march afternoon. Attractive female who lives in a huge house right on the golf course, heard the noise and called out. Are you okay? I'm gonna live just bruised up, thanks, he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart. She said, come up to my patio, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later. The man noticed her silky bath was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a killer figure. That's mighty nice of you, he answered, I know my wife wouldn't like it. Oh, come on now, big boy, she insisted. She was so hot and pretty and very, very persuasive, and he was weak well, okay, he finally agreed. After a couple of Beers and ginger ales, he thanked her and said, I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I better go down. Don't be silly, she said with a smile letting her rob fall open. Stay for a while. Your wife won't know anything. By the way, where is she? He replied. She's still under the car. 1
Vinylear Posted February 25 Posted February 25 This was posted by 'pogo' on Vinylengine: A duck was about to cross the road when the chicken said to him, "Don't do it man. You'll never hear the end of it 3 1
Cloth Ears Posted February 25 Posted February 25 18 hours ago, Addicted to music said: Driving too fast on the whole number 16 golf course, are retired by hand handsome gentleman accidentally overturned his car late one march afternoon. Attractive female who lives in a huge house right on the golf course, heard the noise and called out. Are you okay? I'm gonna live just bruised up, thanks, he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart. She said, come up to my patio, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later. The man noticed her silky bath was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a killer figure. That's mighty nice of you, he answered, I know my wife wouldn't like it. Oh, come on now, big boy, she insisted. She was so hot and pretty and very, very persuasive, and he was weak well, okay, he finally agreed. After a couple of Beers and ginger ales, he thanked her and said, I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I better go down. Don't be silly, she said with a smile letting her rob fall open. Stay for a while. Your wife won't know anything. By the way, where is she? He replied. She's still under the car. Was that first sentence written by ChatGPT v0.1? 1
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